What Doesn't cost a thing but means everything?
So fellas, every year around this time, I decide that my Christmas gift to the guys I know will be a simple one.
I give you some insight into how our minds work. I have always studied human nature and as a writer I am often able to gain insight into relationships through my conversations that others do not.
I have spoken with hundreds of women in the past 10 years and it amazes me how much of their fear, frustration, and lack of desire boil down to similar thoughts.
HERE ARE 10 THINGS YOU CAN TRY TO HELP PUT SOME “HOLIDAY CHEER” BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
1. Randomly send texts that express that you are thinking of her, or how you feel. Lots of couples talk through text throughout the day but how often do they stop to say “I’m grateful for you” or “You make me happy”. We cannot just assume that we know what is in someones heart, it is our job to give it a voice.
2. Bring her a cup of coffee in the morning or write her a random note that you slip in her lunch bag. Tell her to leave those dinner dishes and let you do them since she cooked. Small gestures leave great imprints.
3. Start and end each day with a kiss.
We get into routines and it is easy to get into bed, roll over, and not touch the rest of the night. It is scientifically proven that bonding hormones are released through our saliva when we kiss. If you do nothing else before bed, the simple act of kissing them can help to bring you closer.
4. If you argue, as couples sometimes do, make an effort to clear the air before falling asleep. As someone who has lost people suddenly, I can tell you that you never want the guilt of your last words being cruel or hurtful ones. A loving thought on the lips make for beautiful dreams and happy life.
5. Create a handmade coupon that you can present to her at Christmas.
Write something on there that you know she wants to do but perhaps is not in your wheelhouse. Even if you have to sit through a Broadway show or go to a ballet, showing her that you listen, that you care enough to stretch your comfort zone because its important to her makes a huge difference.
6. Put on a slow song, turn out the lights, ask your wife to dance in the living room for no reason at all. Randomly put your arms around her and kiss her cheek. Romance is not for movie scripts alone. If might seem silly at first but once you start changing it up, you’ll be surprised at how easily it comes back to want to have those random moments with your spouse.
7. If you have a garden, pick some random wildflowers and give them to her for no reason at all. Valentines should not be the only day of romance! Small little things like this let her know she is in your thoughts.
8. Cook her dinner and eat by candle light.
If all you know how to do is make mac-n-cheese, serve that sucker on your fanciest china and be proud! Its not what you make but that you took the time to make it that counts.
9. Talk to her, even when its not comfortable.
Even if it hurts. So many women have expressed the same thing “I didn’t know there was a problem. He never told me.” It is not “strong” to hide how you feel from your spouse. It is not “weak” to cry if you need too or admit that you are sad, angry or overwhelmed. It is, however, cowardly to hide what needs to be open then watch as things fracture and fall apart.
10. Finally but not least. DATE YOUR WIFE!!!!
Seriously. Schedule a night each week, even if you never leave your home, where you put your phones away, you shut out the world and plug in to each other. We are so damn good at this in the beginning. Familiarity, routine, comfort, having family obligations, all of these things lead to us forgetting to stay connected. A date can be as simple as putting the kids to bed, snuggling on your sofa with popcorn and a movie and holding each other tight. You don’t have to have money, you just have to make time.
So, there you have it. 10 ways things you can do for your wife that cost you nothing but can gain you everything.
If you take nothing from these tips at all, then take this. There is a MIND / BODY connection to sexual desire. As many women as I’ve talked too, I have also talked to men who say over and over again that their wives are no longer interested so why keep putting in the work?
Here is the deal though, one of you, has to get off the merry-go-round of blame and “if only” first. If you take small steps to let her feel your love that have nothing to do with money or things or gifts. Moments are the lighter than reignite the spark.
As you head into Christmas and see all the presents beneath the tree, remember that the greatest gift of all is letting her know you see her, she is heard. Give it a shot. It can’t hurt.
and if it does work (which it will, pinky promise I swear), I’ll happily take donations of coffee and cream delivered to my home for life. (a girl needs quality nutrition you know)
Just call me your Auntie M. Think of me like your own personal Dr. Ruth, minus the fame, money, accent or degree…yea, I like the sound of that, that sounds about right….
